It starts with a smile (British Comedian RPS)
by gonattsaga
Summary: (Lee Mack/David Mitchell) Lee's been offered the role of team captain on this new panel show, which should be a good thing. But what with Not Going Out losing its ratings and is about to be cancelled, he's not feeling too optimistic. But then he meets the other team captain and things might actually be looking up...
1. Pilot and butterflies

Standing on the pavement and gazing down the street as he finishes his fag, Lee can't help but to notice the way the grey of the sky descending onto the grey of London town with its stone buildings and asphalt and smog makes it look as though the two blend together. He also thinks that that's such a cliché it annoys him to have noticed it in the first place. But he's well aware that he could instead have noticed a grey kitten, or a white one for that matter, and still found a reason to get annoyed. He's about to record a panel show pilot, which really is a good thing and should be cause, if not for celebration then at least a spring in his step, but as heavy as he feels right now he can barely move his feet.

They're fairly rare these moods of his and more than makes up for them by being extremely jovial in-between, but as of right now with the weather being what it is and _Not going out_ losing ratings at such a speed it's unlikely to get picked up for another series, he's feeling quite gloomy. And yes, he's been offered the role of team captain on this new panel show which, if it gets picked up, would mean he's got a permanent spot on said show. But since he's particularly pessimistic today he's feeling certain that the show won't get picked up, in which case he'll be unemployed once again and back at the stand-up writing board, desperately trying to come up with new jokes even though he feels like shit.

_Alright, enough self-pity_, he thinks and stomps out his cigarette butt, before starting to make his way towards the Broadcasting House.

_Time to put on the cheeky face_, he thinks cynically as he walks through the doors, then changes his mind, reasoning that he wouldn't have to be either cheeky or funny until it's time to face the audience. He should probably make the effort to convince the team and the other participants that he'll be a laugh to work with, but being as it is early in the morning he figures he should be able to get away with at least being subdued.

It turns out that he's right, because upon entering the dressing room where a couple of the other comedians are already getting their make-up on, there's clearly not a single morning person in there. In fact, half the people barely notice his arrival, and those who do merely nod in greeting or smile politely. He feels unproportionately relieved by that, for some reason.

A PA appears by his side holding up two paper cups, one with coffee and one with tea. Lee grabs the coffee and nods his thanks. The PA gives him a polite smile as well, although it's a much more stressed version of it, before she scurries off again, tea splashing over the back of her hand.

The make-up bloke comes up to him and starts dabbing away at his face. Lee quickly takes a sip of coffee before tilting his head a little to the side to give the make-up bloke better access to the side of his neck. Why he needs to powder his neck, he'll never understand, but he's a compliant light entertainer, so if his neck needs powdering then fine, he'll tilt his head to the side.

"Thank you", the bloke says sweetly. "You can drink your coffee, it's fine."

"Right, thanks", Lee says and scans the room aimlessly, just to stop himself from staring into the face that is inches from his own.

Halfway through his lazy glance around the room, Lee accidentally locks eyes with David Mitchell, the other team captain, whom he's seen around but never actually talked to before. There is a confused beat in which they maintain eye contact, then Mitchell gives him one of those half nods that says _hello_ and a politely pinched smile.

Lee blinks, feeling extremely embarrassed about having been caught staring. _Was I staring?_

He nods back and in doing so, upsets the brush thingy that the bloke is dabbing against the side of his face, _or was_he_staring at_me_?_

"Shit, sorry", he says Derek, who merely smirk in reply.

Glancing over at Mitchell again, Lee just catches his gaze flitting away. _He was now_, Lee thinks. _No, probably not. Probably just one of those things. Is he gay? Did someone tell me he was gay? Not that it matters. God, but that's stupid. "Is he gay", what am I like…_

"There you go!"

Lee blinks and refocuses again. Smiles back. The bloke is studying his face in a way that Lee can only describe as admiring his handiwork, and he looks quite pleased with it as well. Which is lucky, Lee thinks. Not that he's a very superficial person. Not, per se. _I mean to say, there's only so much you can do with what you've got…_

Once again, Lee's gaze begins to wander and once again it lands on Mitchell, who is now approaching him.

"I'm Derek, by the way…"

"Lee", he says quickly and offers the guy, Derek, his hand. "Good to meet you, mate."

"Aww you too, darling!" Derek says and shakes his hand before he moves away to deal with the next comedian in need of make-up.

_Ugh, stereotype_, Lee thinks before he can stop himself, then, too late, _No, stop it, he's nice._

"Hello", the unmistakable voice of David Mitchell breaks through his inner monologue. "I'm David…"

Lee quickly accepts his hand and shakes it, _oh soft, gentle too_

"Alright, I'm Lee Mack"

David half-smiles at him, then the corner of his mouth twitches a little and Lee realises that their handshake has lingered a little too long. He immediately lets go of the other man's hand and pushes his own hand into his pocket, just to be sure. Clearly, he can't trust the thing to behave.

David's smiling again, though so Lee reckons he hasn't made a complete fool of himself, or if he has, David probably won't hold it against him. He doesn't seem like the sort.

Suddenly Lee becomes aware of David looking at him expectantly and realises that he's zoned out again and obviously missed whatever it was that David was saying. He has a quick debate with himself about whether to come clean about it or take a guess and offer some vague reply. In the end he decides to tell David that he'd let his thoughts wander, but quickly assures him that it's nothing personal.

"Just involuntary habit of mine before I've had at least five cups of tea, or coffee", he explains and raises the paper cup a little as if to illustrate what a cup of coffee is.

"I know what you mean", David says.

"He's telling the truth", Derek chimes in, unnecessarily. "The whole time I was trying to talk to him, he was too busy making eyes at you…"

The others chuckle. Lee would be mortified, if he wasn't distracted by the sight of David looking down to hide a subtle blush on his face and smiling, _shyly_.

"Aww, isn't that adorable!" Derek twitters.

"Alright", David speaks up, all confidence again. "If you want to audition for the show, it's not us you should be directing you gags at."

The others chuckle again, but no-one actually laughs until Lee pipes up and adds, "Derek doesn't gag, do you Derek?"

"Cheeky!" Derek exclaims, even as he giggles.

Lee smiles a little and shrugs apologetically and gets a wink in return. Looking over at David again and noticing that the other man is avoiding his, and actually everyone's eyes, and looking decidedly uncomfortable all of a sudden, his high spirits deflate a bit again. _Shit_.

"Is there time for a smoke?" he asks the room in general, catching David's head movement in his peripheral as the other man looks at him again.

Someone assures him that there's plenty of time yet and he turns to give David a questioning look.

"Um… Yeah, alright…" David murmurs.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Derek calls after them.

Lee feels his spirits go right up again. He's not sure if it's Derek and his good mood rubbing off on him, or if it's the fact that he just feels at home with these people who he barely knows yet, but Lee really hopes the show will get picked up, because he could really feel at home here.

"He's a laugh, isn't he?" he says to David as they start walking down the corridor. "Derek, I mean."

"Is that the…?"

"Gay bloke with the powder brush, yeah!" Lee quips, then immediately feels like an ass and tries to cover himself by quickly, and futively, correcting himself. "Stereotypical!"

David's eyes widen slightly and he wonders if he might have said the last bit a little too loudly.

"Shit. Sorry…"

"No, that's… it's fine."

He looks a bit nonplussed still, so Lee feels the need to keep explaining himself, _or keep digging_

"I meant to say 'camp' not 'gay', I mean that's the stereotype for a gay man, you know, not that there's anything wrong with that, being camp I mean, not gay, shit… now who's being stereotypical, _Oh hang on, bloke doing makeup, sounds right homosexual to me!..._ Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to offend you…"

"Why would I be offended?" David asks, holding the patio door open for him.

"Well you… oh, you're _not_ gay, then!"

David looks at him funny again, "Yes, I am, but I don't think I've ever been accused of being camp, though…"

Lee doesn't know what to say to that, really and so simply says "Right."

He's extremely relieved when David cracks up and chuckles, so much so that he finds himself joining in and before he knows it they're bantering like they've been friends, or at least co-workers, for years.

The banter continues throughout the recording of the show, much to the delight of the producers, and it's not until they're about to part ways outside the building that Lee feels himself come down from his performance high. Quite a bit later than he's used to. Normally, as soon as the audience leaves, he powers down like a computer in sleep mode as the adrenalin wears off and he becomes aware of _just_ how exhausted he is.

There's a moment of almost awkwardness when they both just sort of stand there, in what can only be described as _stalling_, with the inevitable_good-bye_ hanging unsaid in the air between them. David has got that shy-ish smile on his face again and is looking down at the ground between them. Lee catches himself thinking he looks almost cute somehow. It's amazing how different David can be from his public persona, or rather his performing persona.

Most comedians that Lee's met have all had this personality when they go on stage, that isn't a full-on act, but a heightened or exaggerated version of themselves. But there's something else with David. It's like he's got this shield on when he's on stage, or on camera, or even amongst people, Lee realises, remembering the way David was interacting with people in the dressing room, _except for that one moment when he came up to me and he was smiling that smile and_

Lee takes a deep breath and bats the train of thought away, it's not like he even knows this person, they just met today. As far as he knows, David, the real David, the David that potters about in the kitchen on the morning or listens to records, the David that his friends and family gets to see, the David his boyfriend gets to see, _I wonder if he has a boyfriend_…

"Well…" David says, breaking Lee out of his thoughts. "Let's see if we'll be back for another one of these…"

"I really hope so", Lee says honestly and subconsciously noticing the blush on David's face, but thinks nothing off it. "I had a really good time today."

"Yeah, I did too", David says.

"Well, I should be…" Lee gestures vaguely behind him.

"Right", David says quickly. "Yeah, no, me too."

"Right then. Well, it was nice meeting you…" he says and holds his hand out.

"Yes", David says and now he actually does seem like he feels awkward.

They shake hands and go their separate ways. And when Tara asks him later that afternoon how it went, Lee tells her it went brilliantly, that David Mitchell is a brilliant comedian as _well_ as a brilliant person, that the whole team seems brilliant, as was the premise and execution of the show itself.

"Well", Tara says in that awesomely dry way of hers. "Would it be a fair assumption to say that you had a brilliant day, then?"

Then she smiles and gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek, adding "It's great to see you happy again…"

Lee hadn't realised how transparent he's been in these past couple of days, or maybe weeks, but now that he thinks about it, it makes complete sense. He feels completely different from this morning, like a whole other person. Of course, he must have seemed different as well, been different.

As he's lying in his bed later that night, trying but failing to fall asleep, and not really trying either if he's honest with himself, he replays the events of the day in his mind's eye, zapping between moments, trying to catch glimpses of things he knows logically is part of why it felt so right, why he felt so at home, all these little things, like Derek joking and Angus dry comments in rehearsal, but they all flutter about and it's hard to catch a specific one and hold onto it. Instead, they just whirl around inside his head, like snapshots or short clips in one big tumble, most of them swishing by and others lingering of their own accord. Most of them were of David with his animated face during the show, as well as that smile of his when they were alone.

It's great to see you happy again, Tara said. _It's great to_be_happy again_.

And not only happy, but he's also feeling optimistic, about his future, about his career, about _Would I lie to you?_ getting picked up. And in his gut, he already knows it will. The certainty of it flutters around inside of there, tickling the insides of his belly.


	2. Episode two

Lee walks and smokes on his way to the studio this time around. He's so eager to get there that he actually walks with a spring in his step, something he always thought was just a figure of speech but can clearly be literal as well, quite the opposite of when he walked this way a few weeks back on the way to the recording of the pilot episode.

When he enters the dressing room and immediately locks eyes with David whose smile immediately widens, Lee's not sure who's mirroring who but he feels himself beam right back. He feels like he's on top of a rollercoaster, edging towards the fall. David makes his way over to him, smile twitching a little as he reins it in, trying perhaps to seem less thrilled and if he's anywhere near as self-conscious as Lee about this sort of thing, and Lee thinks he is if not more so, that would make complete sense.

"So", David more or less chirps as he reaches him. "Here we are again!"

Lee thinks it's really amusing to witness the minute muscle twitches in his face as he finishes up the sentence, interpreting it as a subtle tell that the almost chipper tone he'd adopted to say it felt so far removed from his regular self that it actually made him cringe inside. Lee can't help but to chuckle, but he does it as he replies with a fitting standard comment, _Yeah who would have thought_ or something along those lines, and he thinks he got away with it.

As soon as they're on stage they immediately fall back into the roles they chiselled out for themselves in the pilot and the dynamic between them just sort of happens of its own accord. If possible, Lee enjoys himself even more this time around. By the looks of it, David does too. Even when he goes off on one of his rants there's a twinkle in his eye and as soon as he stops ranting and things move on, he immediately smiles and looks over at Lee, beaming as Lee laughs. Or if Lee jumps in with a countering comment or a oneliner as soon as he's finished, David's the one who immediately bursts out laughing, handclap and all.

_I can get used to that_, Lee thinks and he feels just as pleased with himself as David looked a minute ago. And he wonders if this is what it's going to be like from now on, the two of them essentially complimenting each other by making each other laugh. Not that he's opposed to the idea, but he's not sure how entertaining it would be for the audience. _They seem to be enjoying themselves though_, he notes. And maybe that's what the dynamic between them is built on. _Is that the word I want,_ dynamic_? Or is it_chemistry_? Do we have chemistry?_ The producers seem to think so.

For some reason, once the thought is in his head, Lee feels self-conscious about it. As they all wander off the stage he's starting to feel nervous about maintaining it, as though chemistry was something you had to make happen and either you had a knack for it or you had to work at it, and that he's accidentally managed to create it with this person without knowing exactly how he did it. Logically, he knows that the very definition of personal chemistry is exactly the opposite. But he still feels sure that he somehow can muck it up.

David sidles up to him on the way to the dressing room,_and there it is, all shy and humble again_, smiling and telling Lee he's had fun, and he's really glad the show is picked up, and it was a good first episode, and thanks for making it so. Lee smiles back, instead of replying, because there's no reply worse than "Me/you too" and David's already claimed dibs on every single thing that Lee could have said.

Once they're out of make-up and in their coats they head towards the exit in an unspoken agreement to walk together. As soon as the fresh air hits them, Lee gets his cigarettes out. David, in true smoker spirit, immediately gets his own cigarettes out,_it's like Pavlov's dogs_, and Lee offers him light. They both savour their first drags in compatible silence. Lee wonders if the reason he stopped to light a cigarette now, instead of waiting until after he'd said goodbye to David, is just a way of stalling.

"You taking the tube?" David asks.

Even though Lee had planned to walk home, the same way he walked here, he says he is and they walk to the nearest tube station together, chatting, or _bantering_, the entire way there and then continuing while on the tube. Glancing at their fellow passengers, Lee realises they're putting on a bit of a show for them, unwittingly. At least in terms of their surroundings, but he can't deny that he's deliberately showing off for David, using some of his best oneliners and anecdotes usually reserved for his stand-up routines, despite the fact that they're technically just small-talking. But as he now knows the difference between David's private smiles and eye-twinkles and those when he's performing or has his guard up in any other type of social situation, not that Lee's ever really seen him in a social situation except for the dressing room at the Broadcasting house, but he knows the difference between the way David smiles there and the way he smiles when it's just the two of them and right now he's smiling at Lee as though they have an audience, which, technically, they do. Nevertheless, _the point is_, Lee's fairly confident that he's not the only one putting on a show right now.

"Well, this is me", David says as the computerized voice alerts them of the next stop. "Are you going on?"

"Oh", Lee says, because he hadn't thought that far. "Yeah. I'm… the next one, yeah."

"Oh right. Well…"

David stands up and moves towards the doors as the train pulls up to the platform. Lee stands up as well, _just to say goodbye, that's perfectly normal_, "Well, I'll see you."

The doors open and David has to step outside, but he turns back around to face Lee as soon as he has and he opens his mouth to reply, but then the doors start closing with a beep and he simply nods and raises his hand in some kind of paused wave. Lee mirrors the gesture, and then the train starts moving again and before he knows it he's staring at his own reflection in the glass instead.

Getting off at the next stop, Lee tries to decide which is worse, the fact that the only thing missing from that situation for it to be a scene from a melodrama was a pair of white handkerchiefs, or the fact that he just took the tube 5 kilometres in the wrong direction just so he could continue talking to David.

As he crosses the platform and gets on the next train back, he settles on them being equally silly but, because of the fluttery feeling in his belly that lingers for at least four stops, he doesn't really care. He's not too bothered about the butterflies either. He figures it's just an emotional reaction to the comedic chemistry between David and himself, because it's really rare to come across that. The only times he's really clicked with a co-worker like this was during _The Sketch Show_ and recently during _Not Going Out_, and then only really during rehearsals, both of which were because of Time Vine. So apart from Noel, whom he's never actually worked with so it doesn't count, Tim is the only person he's had this type of chemistry with before meeting David.

It strikes him though that the chemistry he has with Tim, and Noel for that matter, isn't really the same as the one he's begun to form with David, at all. And neither Tim nor Noel make him feel all fluttery like this. But that doesn't mean anything, he tells himself. _Different people, different types of chemistry._

As reasonable as that is, somewhere in the back of his mind a niggling doubt starts to fester because, if he's genuinely honest with himself, he's worked with a fair amount of awesome people over the years whom he considers to be some of his best mates, and none of them gives him butterflies. In fact, the_only_ person, whom he's worked with, that makes him feel like _this_, all warm and fluttery and light and feverish and insanely happy, is David.

But he keeps that knowledge pushed into the far back of his mind where it can still be a small, niggling doubt. And even that he tries to ignore, because he doesn't want to ruin this buzz, for lack of a better word. At this point he's not sure what it is, but he wants to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Next week, Lee arrives to the Broadcasting House with a spring in his step again, eager to face the audience, eager to see David, and Derek and Angus and the guest panellists. He makes his way over to the dressing room and finds it already crowded, so after having shaken hands with all four of the guests he decides to hang back and wait outside the doorway until at least a couple of them are dolled up and clear out of the room.

He spots David at the far corner of the room and makes eye contact with him across the small crowd of comedians. They sort of nod in greeting, and Lee feels his face split up as a huge smile stretches out across it without him really meaning to and, unable to stop it, he basically beams at the other man. David favours him with a crooked smile in return. It's not nearly as wide as his own loony grin but at least it's genuine. Lee can tell by the twinkle in David's eyes and, ironically, by the fact that it isn't a wide one.

"Hi there!" John Barrowman says and steps out into the corridor. He grabs Lee's hand and sort of shakes it, but more than that he squeezes it gently and steps half a step closer.

"Alright", Lee says and smiles back at him.

Barrowman's teeth are impossible straight and white and his face is all cheekbones and perfect skin. _So Hollywood_, Lee thinks. His eyes twinkle as well, he notes, but they don't come close to David's. Why he was even comparing the two in the first place, Lee has no idea, but he had and now it's done.

Barrowman is a very handsome, _and flirtatious apparently_, guy and he's radiating glamour and cheek. But it just doesn't ring true to Lee, any of it. At least not compared to David who is pure and raw honesty, even when he's got his poker face on and spins the most believable lies imaginable, there's still a sense of genuine vulnerability to him. No matter how thick his mask gets, there's still a truth to it, he's still _David_, heart on his sleeve and insecurities on the table. His teeth aren't straight, he's not fit or suave and he can't fake a smile without the corner of his lips quivering. _But perfect is really boring, anyway,_Lee thinks.

"So", Barrowman says. "You're my captain for a day…"

His smile curls into a cheeky leer, but there's a laugh lurking close by and Lee gets that he's not _really_ flirting with him, it's just the way he is, with everybody, it's his way of socialising.

"Yep, you can call me _Captain, my Captain_", he quips, just as cheekily and Barrowman immediately throws his head back and laughs.

Lee smiles. His feet are itching to take a step back, though. Barrowman's still standing an inch or so too close to him and he's not great with physical contact, at least not with people he barely knows. So when Angus and Dominic step out of the dressing room, Lee takes the opportunity to sidle away from Barrowman and walk inside. Derek puts a hand briefly on his arm and tells him he'll be right with him. For some reason it didn't bother Lee at all to be touched by Derek, maybe because it was such a brief touch, or maybe because it didn't feel like an invasion of his personal space, it was just a simple pat on the arm, however gentle and lingering. Again, his brain jumps to David, trying to remember if they've ever touched, even briefly like that. He can't think of a single time, unless he counts the handshakes. He looks over at David and catches his gaze flit away. It makes sense, he figures. David seems to have an equally large personal space as him, and with two people who are anything but touchy-feely, it's not surprising they don't go around putting lingering hands on each other's arms, or hug or anything like that.

He walks up to David to say a proper _Good morning_ and, just as an experiment, he does put his hand on David's arm, or rather the edge of his shoulder, slightly cupping it. David gives him a weird look, so he just rubs his arm a little, awkwardly, then quickly removes his hand again.

"Alright", he says.

"Um… yes", David croaks, the confused look still on his face, but now accompanied by a rather pronounced blush as well. "Hi, h-how are you?"

David flinches at his own question.

"Alright", Lee says again, this time in answer to David's question but that doesn't make him feel any less of an idiot.

_Well, this is awkward._

"So", he says brightly, and if David can tell he's trying a little too hard he's kind enough not to show it. "You stoked for the today's show?"

"Yes", David offers meekly.

Thankfully, Derek shows up and rescues them both by pulling Lee's face slightly to the side.

"Don't mind me!" he says, even as he starts dabbing something wet and skin-coloured onto Lee's face with a squishy piece of something that looks like rubber, except it's softer.

When neither of them jump to the opportunity to keep talking, Derek saves them again and takes care of the small talk for them until they're both more or less relaxed again. Halfway through Derek's anecdote about his weekend, Lee and David exchange an amused look and by the time they take their seats on stage, all is well again.

Lee can't help but to wonder, though if David was reacting to the fact that Lee was touching him for no particular reason, or if he was reacting to the fact that Lee felt so obviously awkward doing it.

The show is the best one yet, in Lee's opinion. Granted, it's only the third, the second televised one, but David manages to surprise him by being more hilarious than he's ever seen him. He hadn't thought that was possible, but David's on a roll today. Talking about Madonna's loo seat, he imitates the poor guy who would need to remove it just as soon as she's finished using it and wanting to get home some time before eleven and asking her if she thinks she'll need to go again, and if so, would she consider doing it now rather than later. It's so simple, but it's so simple it's brilliant. Lee feels like he's in the audience watching a stand-up show, a_brilliant_ stand-up show, for a moment.

Lee knows he can't possibly follow that, but when it's his team's turn he gives it his best shot, adrenaline shooting through his body, he lunges head-first into his equivalent of a rant, spurred on by the fact that he can see David in his peripheral, even as he pulls a face and barely sees anything at all. Barrowman tries to join in, but completely misses the point of Lee's joke, so Lee makes a joke about him not getting the joke, all casually like and getting roars of laughter from the audience, and through that the tell-tale laugh that is obviously David's. Lee cracks up a little himself, even as he pats Barrowman apologetically on the shoulder. Not wanting to let the collective mirth go to waste, though he immediately offers up another joke.

Shortly after, he earns another set of laughs for what he essentially feels was a rather cheap joke himself, by acting shocked when Barrowman referred to himself as gay and then stomping off stage. Of course, Barrowman won't be out-staged and he adds another gag at his own expense. The show continues in much the same fashion and about halfway through he's had his ear licked by one team member and his arm more or less caressed countless of times by the other.

Lee tries to keep up with Barrowman and play along with his cheeky persona, even when it's distracting him from his usual interaction with David, but it soon escalates when Barrowman tries to banter with him and it turns into an all-out, dramatic shout fest. Cut short, thankfully, by David interrupting them and saying he doesn't understand why they all had to sit there and listen to "this shit". Lee laughs at that, but Barrowman merely smiles. It's not a very genuine smile though, Lee notices. He wonders if it's annoyance at having been robbed of the limelight, or something else. In fact, when he thinks about it, out of all Barrowman's generous laughs throughout the recording, none have been caused by something David has said and when David was interacting with him directly, his smile was definitely strained. _Maybe there's history there_, Lee thinks, then wonders if it's prejudiced of him to think so, as if two men working in the same business and who both happen to be gay must have had something together at some point.

He forgets about it momentarily when David starts ranting at him for claiming to employ a guy for managing his iPod, enjoying the rush that comes with sparring with David like this, not that you can ever win with David when he's like this, not only is he faster and louder and so funny it makes you lose momentum, he's also wickedly smart, poking holes at your arguments before you've even realised what they were.

"If you're a control freak, then why are you letting someone else do this for you!?" David more or less screams. _Damn, got me._ "Do you also employ someone to manage your toaster for you? _Oh I know nothing about technology! I can't be bothered to learn, I just give him the bread… He does something to it, I don't know what, and it turns into toast!_"

"David", Angus interrupts. "David, David… before you get _too_ angry, it _is_ possible that he lying."

"Right", David says, obviously still itching to keep yelling at Lee essentially, but Angus urges him to move on to Barrowman. "Oh, right, alright…"

Lee is once again reminded of the tension between David and Barrowman and watches their brief exchange closely, but David doesn't really give anything away and he can't really see Barrowman's face when he's looking over at the other team. He makes a mental note to see if there's any tension between them later on in the dressing room, though. Then it'll be easier to judge David's behaviour as well, he'll have most of his guard down.

It turns out, though that he doesn't have to do much studying. When you know to look for it, it's so obvious, Lee can't believe he didn't notice earlier. You could cut the air between them with a knife. Most of that is coming from Barrowman, though. David has retired to the far corner of the room again, where he seems happy enough to potter about. Barrowman is still joking around and flirting with the rest of them and it's not as though he's outright glaring at David, but there's definitely chilly air to the way he's very deliberately _not_ looking in his direction.

Lee is about to make his way over to David, when Barrowman intercepts him, all teeth and touches, and tells him a few of them are going to this place nearby for Happy Hour and asks him if he'd like to tag along. Lee glances over at David, who seems deeply focused on looking through his jacket pockets, but there's added tension in his shoulders which makes Lee think that he's actually acutely aware of the goings-on behind him, including Barrowman asking Lee to join him and a couple of the others for drinks.

"No, you're alright, cheers though", Lee says, politely more so than kindly, and carefully moves away from his touch, there's a flash of something in Barrowman's eyes then but his smile doesn't waver. "Another time. Thanks for a good show."

"You too", Barrowman says. "Another time it is…"

Lee walks over to David and just sort of lounges next to him, leaning back against the edge of the dressing table. David gives him a questioning look, but Lee waits for the others to leave before he speaks. David glances over at the doorway as they start to filter out, perceptive enough, and once the last person has disappeared down the corridor, he turns to Lee again, this time with an expectant look on his face.

"You taking the tube?" Lee asks.

David gives him a look that tells him that _that's not what you want to say_, but answers anyway and tells him that he is indeed taking the tube and yes, he'd love the company. Lee nods, "Okay then!"

He straightens up and reaches for his coat hanging off the backrest of the chair next to him. David is still watching him expectantly.

"Are you alright?" Lee murmurs finally.

David blinks, clearly not the question he'd expected.

"I'm… fine. Why?"

"No, it's just that I couldn't help noticing… you and Barrowman, you know…"

David's eyes widen slightly, or not so slightly actually, but rather comically.

"I mean", Lee hurries to say. "It's none of my business! I just thought I'd better check, you know. And… if you wanted to talk, then…"

He feels his face warming up, but refuses to acknowledge it.

"I mean, I may not be very eloquent, but I'm a good listener… when I focus…"

David half-chuckles, then "You are joking, right?"

"No…" Lee says, feeling a bit defensive, it's not that much of a stretch is it, that he could keep up his end of a serious conversion?

"I mean about John Barrowman and me, you're not implying what I think you're implying?"

"Oh. Well. I just thought…"

"Oh God, no! There's nothing going on between Barrowman and myself! At all!"

"Alright, alright!… I just couldn't help noticing things were a bit… tense, between the two of you, and I sort of leapt to conclusions and I didn't exactly think it through, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…"

He's starting to feel extremely awkward, and judging by the way David's face softens perceptively, it must be showing.

"Well, thanks", he says, gently. "Really. That's very… But, trust me, I'm as far away from Barrowman's type as is possible. As is he, by the way."

"Oh."

"Yeah, no, I think the tension you picked up on was due to the fact that Barrowman, I think, considers me to be a disgrace to the homosexual community…"

"You what?"

"Well, I think that in Barrowman world you're not out of the closet unless you're shouting it off the roof tops…"

"That's mental!" Lee exclaims, before he's had a chance to consider how worked up he could get over this without it seeming weird. "And besides, what's it got to do with him whether you're out or not, anyway? Meddling git!"

David simply smiles at him and the conversation tapers off after that. They walk out of the building together and Lee walks David to the tube station. Once they get there though, he stops just outside. David gives him a questioning look and he smiles apologetically and comes clean about not actually riding the tube home. David blinks.

"I just, we were talking and so I just hopped on so we could continue talking, but I really live in the other direction, and it's walking distance, so…"

"You idiot", David says, but there's no heat behind it and Lee chuckles.

"Yeah, usually…"

"Alright then", David says and looks towards the stairs leading down to the tube, but then turns back to Lee again instead. "Want to smoke with me before you head home, then?"

"Yeah", Lee breathes out, oddly grateful for the extra moment. "Sure…"

They smoke in silence for a couple of minutes, then Lee works up the courage to ask David what his type is. David almost chokes on the smoke he's exhaling and coughs a couple of times, then splutters out a "What?"

"You said Barrowman weren't your type, so I was just curious, what is your type then?"

"Oh", David says in a rather small voice, still looking unsure but Lee's certain it's not about the question anymore but rather the answer. "I-I don't know that I have a specific type…"

"You sounded like you did", Lee persists.

_Why am I pushing this?_

"Well, someone intelligent", David starts, then cuts himself off and flustered he adds that he didn't mean to imply that John Barrowman is stupid.

"Well…" Lee says indecisively and David's lips twitch a little. "Alright, intelligent. What else?"

"Kind", David says immediately without breaking eye-contact with him, something flutters by inside Lee's chest, but it's gone before he's even registered it so he doesn't make anything of it.

"Right. And?"

"And… funny", David decides and gazing out across the street.

"Funny?"

"Yeah", David says simply. "Could you go out with someone who didn't have a sense of humour?"

"What sort of funny, though?"

David glances sideways at him, but then looks away again and shrugs. "Just funny."

"Yeah, but funny in what way?"

"Quick-witted", David admits after a moment.

"So definitely not Barrowman then", Lee quips before he can stop himself, but earns a laugh for his impulsive effort so he figures that's alright then. "So, quick-witted. See, I'd have thought you'd go for someone brainy and kind of observational comedy type of person, you know, all cynical and sarky."

"God no", David mutters.

"You did say 'intelligent' though. Nothing intelligent about making gags, is there?"

"Depends on the gags", David counters. "Besides, cynical doesn't necessarily equal intelligent. And it's definitely not a quality I find very attractive."

"Okay", Lee says, feeling oddly relieved for some reason. "You've convinced me…"

David looks at him again then and smiles. They both finish their cigarettes at the same time. David drops his to the ground and grinds it into the asphalt with the heel of his shoe. Lee flicks his into the street. They both watch it crash to the ground like a miniature flare.

"Well, I should be going", David says finally. "And you should be heading all the way back the way we came, shouldn't you? How far do you have to walk after that?"

"Not that far", Lee answers vaguely. "Besides, the conversation's worth the extra distance… I'll see you next week, yeah?"

"Yeah, see you then…"

There's a confused moment where they both seem to be contemplating some sort of physical gesture, like a hug goodbye, but both stumbling over the impulse and in the end they just end up smiling at each other before going their separate ways.


	3. Now what

The series has literally flown by, even with flu-ridden kids at home and an endless line of tedious production meetings over at the BBC about whether or not continue with _Not going ou_t, before he knows it autumn has already slipped by him and now, accompanied by grey skies and sleety streets, the inevitable end of _Would I Lie To You_ is closing in on him. Considering its success, there's not a doubt in anyone's mind that it won't get picked up for another series, so Lee's fairly certain that they'll all be at it again in the spring, but between then and now he's got months and months of rain and idleness to look forward to.

Of course there's always Christmas, but _and this is a bonafide sign that you're approaching middle-age_, he doesn't really look forward to the holidays as much as dreading them. He has fond memories of Christmas being about presents and tasty food and even tastier treats and crackers and a general atmosphere of magic. Now, he can only focus on buying the presents and cooking the food. Even the atmosphere has lost its magic. It's been replaced by stress and intoxication (to relieve said stress.) He's finally turned into his old man, with a steadily declining sense of his own limits and what gags are in fact appropriate to tell in the presence of aged in-laws and young children.

But there's quite a way to go yet before it's time to tackle the over-crowded toy stores and endure the endless "_Feliz Navidad_" on repeat while your down jacket is steadily soaking from the inside by your own sweat.

He steps into the dressing room, _for the last time. No, for the last time in quite a while_, and he already feels the melancholy of it all being over descend on him, despite the fact that they haven't even started recording the episode yet.

He locks eyes with David across the room as he enters and the other man gives him a crooked half-smile. Lee might be imagining it, but there seems to be a melancholic sheen in David's eyes as well. _Probably my imagination,_he thinks_. David's involved in so many different projects, what's one panel show..._

He takes a seat next to where David's standing, his thumb working away at the buttons on his ancient mobile, but when Lee plops down next to him he looks up from his phone and smiles again, then quickly rounds up whatever text he's composing and promptly puts the phone down. When the screen lights up with a new text message, he ignores it and sits down in the chair next to Lee instead.

"Hello", he says in that hilariously melodious way of his and Lee would chuckle or at least smile, he really would, but his face feels heavy and he can only manage a _Hi_, sans chuckle.

There's a softness in David's eyes, spilling over into his face in general, and Lee tries to remember if he looked like that before, before Lee said anything, before he walked across the room and sat down, or if he's always looked like that. He can't be sure now.

Lee unwittingly switches on auto-pilot as he takes his seat on stage, it doesn't make any sense, he should be making the most of this recording and enjoy it while it lasts, but by steeling himself for the end of it and the end of the series and the start of the winter season, he's distancing himself from it already. He goes through the motion of telling the jokes and making the quips, but his heart's not really in it. He's not sure if the audience can tell, but David definitely can. It's right there in his eyes.

But it's not just him, Lee decides after a while. It's all three of them, Angus, David and himself. And earlier, it was the same thing with the crew and Derek and Sandy as well. They're all stuck between the emotions of leaving this project and the thought process of starting a new one, be it another show, a TV series, a film, or in his case, apart from a load of downtime and some more production meetings at the BBC, hours upon hours of writing.

The show doesn't suffer though, even with its three regulars being a bit more subdued than usual, it is more than made up for by the energy of the guest panellists, especially Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, who may have flirted with him at some point, but Lee hardly noticed it if she did, which says a lot about where his mind's been at the whole day, because Tara is not someone you fail to notice, _especially when she speaks..._

After the show, Lee walks with David, or rather _walks David_, to the tube station, as has become their tradition over the course of the past few months. They don't really talk, not like they normally would. But once they reach the station and David turns towards Lee to say _goodbye_ like he always does, he reaches out and touches the palm of his hand to Lee's upper arm.

He doesn't pat it or squeeze it, just lets it linger there for a moment before he drops it again, brushing it along the full length of Lee's arm on the way down.

If he could feel Lee tensing up, he doesn't acknowledge it. He just quirks the side of his mouth and says I'll see you and it almost sounds like a promise.

Lee's roused by Tara getting out of bed then moving around in the room, trying to decide on today's outfit probably, but he keeps his eyes closed and buries his head deeper into the pillow. He dozes off again as soon as she leaves the room and is literally shaken awake again half an hour later when Tara jostles his shoulder through the covers. He squints up at her through the excessive sunlight spilling in through the bedroom window and the sleep in his eyes.

"I'm off", she says.

_And I needed to wake up and receive this information, why_, Lee thinks but doesn't say. Instead he croaks out an _alright_. Tara bends down to kiss him on the cheek and her hair tickles his nose.

"Don't sleep all day", she says before she leaves, and it annoys him somehow.

Probably because, on some barely subconscious level, it reminds him of his mother nagging in a similar fashion when he was a teenager. Or it annoys him that, just because he doesn't have a set to go to but stays home now, she assumes that he's not doing anything productive all day.

Which is technically true, but it's only been a few weeks since Would I lie to you ended, and Lee thinks he deserves at least a bit of a break before he starts tackling his winter plans.

He blinks the rest of the sleep out of his eyes and stretches. The thought of needing a month's break, like some poncey method actor's _me time_, has kicked him completely awake and he feels a bit foolish. _David probably hasn't taken a break at all, he's probably just jumped right into his next project_

Lee swings his legs over the side of the bed and sits up in one fell swoop, intending to also swing himself out of that train of thought. Not for the first time since the last time he saw David, Lee resolves to stop thinking about him and imagining what he's doing, but just like all the other times, he fails miserably. When he's not thinking about David without really thinking about the fact that he's thinking about him, Lee is actively thinking about not thinking about him, so no matter what he does, David is on his mind, constantly.

It's not normal, Lee knows it's not normal, to think about someone, a colleague, this much, to miss them this much. So far he's managed to rationalise it, but a couple of days ago he finally ran out of rational arguments and tried to just ignore it.

But denial doesn't really work once you've already acknowledged something. It's there, you've already faced it once, it won't go away so easily now.

_It's no use,_ Lee thinks as he makes himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. Something's going on with him, or between him and David, something new, something he doesn't fully understand but it's there and he can't ignore it anymore, he needs to figure it out.

He needs to stop trying to not think about it.

So after he's finished his tea and changed from his pyjama bottoms and t-shirt into some fairly presentable, but casual clothes, that doesn't feel like work or fancy dress but is still nice and clean enough to be seen in public with, he decides to go for a long walk and _really_ think about things. Not just the fact that he and David have amazing chemistry when they're working together and how much he misses that now while they're on break, but everything. Every look and smile and blush and flutter. Every word they've said to each other in private and every pause in-between them. All the little things that he's either let slip by his conscious mind and pushed straight to his subconscious where they've been neatly filed away, or that he's rationalised or even denied, they all fly up to the surface now.

And once they have, there's really not much to think about anymore. The answer is right there in front of him, almost immediately, glaringly obvious.

_I have a crush on David Mitchell._

It's rather funny how easy it was for him to accept that, Lee thinks later that evening. Tara still hasn't come home and the kids are in the next room, watching telly or playing video games, he can't really tell the difference between the noises. Once it was out there, denial was the furthest thing on his mind.

He's not fine, far from it.

Even though the idea of having a crush on David, the concept of it, is easy to accept, he still doesn't know what to do with it. He's had this great big revelation, but he has no idea what it means, or where it leaves him and where he's supposed to go next.

Of course, he thinks about Tara and how he should feel guilty somehow, but he doesn't really because these feelings are somehow separated from her, from what he feels for her and the kids, it's another part of him, another part of his life, _and anyway it's just a crush,_ Lee knows it doesn't really mean anything. He tells himself that people have fleeting crushes all the time and unless they act on it, the crush will simple brighten their days for a while before it fades away again. As far as he's concerned a small and innocent crush never harmed a relationship. As long as that's all it is, small and innocent, just a crush, just a flicker of a feeling, like a warm and pleasant presence, then you're fine. _It doesn't mean a thing._

But it stirs up some other issues for him, though. Or not issues precisely, but questions. He knows he's not _gay,_ he can't be gay, he's never felt anything for another bloke in all his life, not even in his teens when you're supposed to be unsure about your sexuality and experimental. It's just this one time, _just David_, but what does that mean, what does that make him, if not gay, and not a hundred per cent straight anymore, then what? _Bi-curious?_

Then comes the other questions, and the worry, _how will this affect my relationship with David? How will it affect the way I look at him and talk to him and work with him? What if he figures it out? Even if I do my best to hide it, to act like nothing, what if shows on me anyway?_

And that's when the fretting starts.

When Tara comes home and puts her handbag down on one of the kitchen chairs with plunk, and effectively jolts Lee out of his train of thoughts, he realises that he hasn't made the dinner that he started preparing for but instead he's been pacing up and down the kitchen swigging tea and worrying. Tara gives him a questioning look.

"What happened?" she asks.

Lee feels verbally smacked in the face and breaks out in a cold sweat. _She can tell something is different about me, it shows on me, it actually shows on me, she'll find out, everyone will know, David will find out_

"Darling?"

"What?" he croaks.

"How did the production meeting go?"

"Oh... the meeting, yeah it went fine, I mean not fine, it was just like all the others, you know... pointless..."

"Aww", he says sympathetically and rubs his arm a little.

Her heart's not really in it and he can tell. He doesn't blame her though. It's not a great tragedy, and it's not the first time he's had a pointless meeting at the BBC that didn't amount to anything.

"Have the kids eaten?"

"Oh. Umm..."

Suddenly, it all seems trivial again, the crush, everything. The thought of dinner, and his kids who need to eat, then get their jammies on and brush their teeth and get to bed because _fuck me is that the time?_has put everything into perspective for him. _It is just a crush. It doesn't mean anything._

So that's what he'll do, he'll just focus on his kids. From now on, he's going to focus on the kids, and Tara, and his writing, and if David pops into his head then he's going to let himself think about him then focus on something else, something practical that needs doing. He's going to keep things in perspective.

Because there's nothing he can do about it now anyway. He probably won't even see David until the spring when they start filming _Would I lie to you_ again. So he'll deal with it then. If he even has a crush still, by then it might very well have faded away already.


End file.
